Welcome Back Sufi

Today is a new day for my dear friend, Sufi. Time to turn a new leaf. She's back! She have gone through many difficult times, maybe unbearable to others. But she is a tough one. She is the kind of girl whose name spells DETERMINATION. And it pays.

Selamat kembali Sufi. Allah lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk kita. Tanggungjawab kita ialah berusaha dan bertawakal. Selainnya adalah urusan Yang Maha Kuasa. It's good to have you back. Wish you a wonderful life ahead!

Hello Sunshine!!

smiley courtesy of www.sl-designs.com

Woke up this morning with sunshine on my face, sengih sampai ke telinga! Why? I had quite a bad day earlier on. Not one day but a couple of days. Asik nangis je. Memang sedih betul!! But I'm fine now. Dah settle. Borak ngan hubby semalam, 2 jam tu puas le citer macam2. Hilang rindu dapat tgk muka dia. Come to think of it, aku rasa aku ni overacting kot, ala2 kak Ogy. Suka pikir nonsense. I don't know whether it was just me or the weather or the imbalance hormone? Hmmm, I think it was hormone ...or weather. Tak mau ngaku silap sendiri. Kihkihkih. Ok, ok it was my fault...and partly his. But I got to confide in here, aku ni cepat kecik ati dgn my other half tu. Love him so so much sebab dia sangat memahami (semua org sayang suami,kan?). So bila dia kadang2 buat tak paham, gua mula laa...

AND yesterday was my birthday!! Many thanks to friends and family for all the well wishes. BIG THANKS to all. I'm not kinda girl (girl?uwekk!) whom throw big party for birthday. Wasattiah gitu....kehkehkeh. Tapi kalu ader org nak belanja gua makan, no problemo punyer. Thanks to Maswa for the home-made choc cake and beriani daging. We spent quite long hours chit-chatting yesterday, dah malam baru sedar nak balik umah. We both bujang sekejap sementara hubby masing2 kat Msia. Tak lama lagi suami Maswa balik semula ke UK and then my hubby next!

I am a late-riser (really really bad habit) tapi hari ni bangun awal sbb takut terbabas. Didn't I tell u that I have to attend R course? Statistical course, for 3 weeks kat sini. So takleh lagi jadi burung hantu berjaga malam. Got to be a morning person bulan nih. So tema bulan ni : Tido awal, bangun awal!! And on my way to the lecture theathre, dapat sms best! Lagi le semangat!!

Yeayyy I feel so good about myself, 'bout my whole life. Alhamdulillah atas segala nikmat yang diberikanNya. I'm so thankful for that. Alhamdulillah. Mentari bersinar kembali dalam hidupku...yahooooo!!! Gonna put aside melancholic CDs for now....

Ciao!!

Terima kasih sahabat

Ezwin,
Terima kasih atas coretanmu. (Diariku 8: Kita yang selalu meminta). It helped. Jatuh airmataku membacanya.

Ida,
Terima kasih jua.

This is how I feel

I do and always believe that life is beautiful or at least make myself believe that, most of the time. I do. I do. But when things did not turn out the way it was supposed to be, I have this question lingering in my mind over and over again. Is life REALLY is beautiful? Well, from the way I see it, it is only beautiful when you have a good job, a decent house, a nice car and MOST importantly the loved ones - your hubby, kids, family etc right beside you. No matter how contented you might feel right now but without family and friends, life is just not worth it. Is life still beautiful when you get back from work, stressed out and tired and finding that your hubby is not there to share the feelings? He's a million miles away from you. Is life still beautiful when your little one kept asking when ayah is going to be with us? When we skyped later that evening, the feelings I felt earlier were not the same anymore. Even if I told him how tired I was, the feelings are different compared to telling him face to face, leaning my head towards him and he ultimately helps me to ease the pain away. Or he reads the book for Alia over his computer while over here, the little one holds the storybook for him to read? And this laptop-to-laptop communication was not really helping. It was then but not anymore. It just make me feel sad. Later you find out that you blamed life for making things difficult for you. For made you or rather push and force you to put up with this and be strong? I mean, how strong can I be?

Entah apa yang aku mengarut ni. It's a mixed feelings. I don't know how to put it in words. All I know is that I longed for my family especially my hubby. He told me it will not be long before he join us here, be a family again. He'll be with us in 2 months time. I can't hardly wait for that. But what if ....what if.....oh, sod it. So many what if's. All the nasty thoughts. I pray to the Almighty, hoping that everything will be all right. A little leeway is fine as long as it is for the best. The ideal scenario is his sabatical leave will be granted, join a research group in Silwood and we spend most of our time together. Harap sangat. And hopefully he will be here for quite a long time. Long enough to make Alia happy. Her ayah used to read for her before going to bed and played with her. And I played his role eversince he flew back to Malaysia, but I just don't have enough time to do this anymore, all by myself. I think I'm getting tired. I don't want to play mom and dad anymore. I'm dead tired.

I tried to picture all the nice things but the negatives kept bombarded in. The worst scenario is he only got a few months leave or none at all and then I will be left alone, picking up all the courage to live the life without him, yet once again. Kadang-kadang menyesal jugak buat PhD jauh-jauh. Tapi ini cita-cita aku. At the same time, I will feel extremely guilty if he has to choose me over his career. I'm not that selfish. He loves his job and he loves us too. So we have to compromise......as I am quite selfish myself to opt for my cita-cita and leave him behind. To put his interest second and mine first.

I think to myself, if I walked out from this journey with PhD in hand, he will definitely be proud of me. I will make my ma and abah proud. In fact my whole family and my kampung proud. Until then, I got to gather myself, keep my head up and put every single effort to make my dreams a reality, with or without hubby around.

Facebook

Aku baru beberapa hari sign up utk Facebook. Selama ni aku ingat cukup la dgn Friendster. Tapi Facebook ni lagi gempak. Aku jumpa balik member2 masa kat UKM dulu, kawan skolah n kawan masa matrikulasi. How cool is that? Hahahah bestnya. Sungguh la aku ni ketinggalan zaman. Org dah berzaman ada facebook, aku baru nak mula. Takpe la, better late than never, kan?

Orait, tamau tulis panjang2 sebab nak blaja tido awal. Skrg ni dah 12.30 malam. Aku takmau jadik burung antu lagi, mau jadi orang. Tido awal, bangun awal.

Good nite!

It's not just snow, it's the heaviest snow in 18 years!!

Fancy skiing in Swiss Alps? No worries, Swiss is here in your backyard! Just get the tudung periuk out of your kitchen and yarrribaaa!!!!! Snow is here...and it is here to last (at least for a few more days). Saksikan aksi2 bebudak ni main snow.

Time ni lebat, nak bukak mata pun susah. Keta aku sangkut time ni la.

Rombongan Cik Kiah nak gi main snow

Dua rakan sekelas, Alia dan Asha

Dari petang semalam snow turun dan semakin lebat menjelang tengahari. Aku cam biasa la pagi2 nak hantar Alia ke umah Maswa. Punyer la tebal salji kat atas keta aku. Naik kebas tangan aku dibuatnya, membuang snow yang bertapa kat atas keta. Sampai je umah Maswa dia kata sekolah tutup. Aku lak berkejar balik Silwood sebab ada appoinment ngan sv pagi ni. Sesampai je kat opis baru aku perasan takde satu keta pon kat tempat parking. Kuketuk bilk sv, tak berjawab. Sah dia tak datang. Penat je aku stay-up semalam dan terkejar2 gi hantar Alia ke Egham.

Dah sv takde, aku gi umah Maswa balik, nak amik Alia. Sebelum tu kitorang gi Royal Holloway University dulu, lepak2 amik gambar. Sue yg baru sampai dari Msia beberapa minggu lepas pon ikut gak. Budak2 ni suka giler. Berguling-guling kat atas salji tuh. Memang lebat sungguh! Masa kitorang nak balik, salji tu turun makin lebat. Kat London dan kebanyakan tempat di UK, pengangkutan awam lumpuh. A ku bawak keta pun kadang2 tehuyung-hayang. Ngeri dibuatnya. Nasib baik keta aku ada ciri2 keselamatan, so yakin la jugak sikit. Kalau bawak keta lama Ford aku tu, sure aku tak kuar mana2 sebab keta tu ringan semacam je. Silap hari bulan menggelincir macam roller skates lak. Dalam radio sibuk cakap "Do not travel at all". "This weather is nightmare". Alamak, kalu snow camni 5-6 hari, caner aku nak gi beli stok makanan nih? Ayam, telur semo dah abis dalam fridge tuh. Alamak, kebulur le aku camni. Tidakkkkkkkk!

Salji di tengah malam

Yang bintik2 cerah tu snow lawan flash kamera.

Pokok-pokok bungaku tinggal batang je

Pandangan dari luar tingkap

Esok pagi aku amik gambar banyak2 lagi, untuk tatapan semua. Malam tak cun la. Malam2 buta ni sedap je letak muka mengadap langit, menadah snow. Terasa lembut snow jatuh kat pipi. Bestttt. Ni petua kasi awek muda, kay. Alia mesti sukaaaaa...sekarang jam 4 pagi. Suara aku kat video tu ala-ala suara beriman, ok sebab takut Alia tersedar. Orait, jupa lagi.

Kak tie, meh sini kita main snow. Cepat tempah Air Asia. Penginapan dan makan free. Marrrriiiii!!!

Siaran Tergendala

Buat kaum keluarga dan rakan-rakan, dukacita dimaklumkan bahawa siaran blog Diari Asmida akan tergendala buat beberapa waktu. Hheheh, bukan apa, supervisorku yang selama ini membiarkan aku terkapai-kapai kelemasan, kini telah mula menebarkan jaring untuk menyelamatkanku.

Sejak aku mula2 sampai kat sini dia percaya je kat aku. Amatlah jarang dia suruh aku hantar report ke, hantar result ke or at least hantar research progress. Orang lain aku dengar tiap2 minggu jupa sv, siap kena hantar reviewed journal tiap kali jumpa. Takpun hantar le apa2 yang dibaca sepanjang minggu tu. Sv aku sangat la baik, satu-satunya mende yg penah aku hantar ialah Study Plan masa mula2 register dulu. Eh, silap. Penah gak dia suruh aku hantar result utk initial survey yg aku buat kat Silwood dulu. Lepas tu senyap. Memang dia baik hati. Aku pulak.....bila sv tak suruh, tak tanya, aku rileks la walapun dalam hati selalu risau. Risau sebab aku tengok org lain tunggang-langgang buat keja, aku lak macam takde keja. Risau risau. Aku bukan reti nak mereka-reka cari keja sendiri. Aku ni pahat......

Alhamdulillah, sejak balik cuti Krismas ni, dia sangat rajin. Selang sehari dia nak jumpa aku, tunjuk result dan hantar progress report. Aku pun apalagi. Kalau dia rajin sekali, aku rajin 10 kali. Semangat beb. Baru la aku terasa hidup aku ni berguna sikit sebagai pelajar. Kalau tidak, hidup aku kat sini macam suri rumah je - hantar anak sekolah, amik anak, hantar klinik, beli groceries, shopping online (aktiviti wajib-aku sudah ketagihhh, waaa tulunnn tulunnn) dan masak-masak.

Ok la, esok aku kena jumpa sv lagi. Kalau semuanya beres, tak lama lagi aku dah boleh bergerak buat next projek pulak. Kaji algae kat Thursley Common dan stesen pencemaran kat Scotland. Tu pun kalau dua2 kawasan tu masih wujud stesennya. Kalau tak, kena carik alternatif lain.

Ok la, aku nak sambung buat data analisis nih. Dah lebih seminggu aku mengadap graf. Dah berpinar mata aku tapi sebab semangat punya pasal, aku layan la. Berenti jap update blog supaya segar balik mata aku ni. Orait, sambung keja. Semangat nih!!

Ni le meja tempat aku bersarang. Nampak gelas besar tu? Haa..tu wajib adoo. Nampak plastik bawah meja tu? Tu hasil tuaian Cik Ida lepas shopping kat Swindon.

Ni le peneman aku supaya tak ngantuk. Tapi termengantuk gak....ampunkan taburan serbuk coklatku yang tiada seni itu.

Inilah cappucino yang terpaksa kutelan demi membukakan mataku. Alu tak suka kopi!!